Merriton

“I usually talk to the parents…” Roscoe was at a loss for words and motioned toward Kevin. The two of them were at Randy and Sierra’s door. Next to the long, lean cowboy was Kevin, tiny in comparison. Kevin was unharmed and dry in his ski apparel. He held his skis in his right hand and leaned toward them and away from Roscoe.

Sierra was the first to recover. “Ranger Bowen! Please come in!” She made the tiniest of bows with her head, showing respect to Roscoe. The park ranger put his hand on Kevin’s back and escorted him into the house. The cold wind was held at bay when Randy closed the door. Kevin would have normally taken off his ski boots and gear in the foyer, but he just stood there, holding his skis and leaning away from Roscoe.

Randy broke the silence looking at Kevin, “You don’t look hurt.” He turned to Roscoe. “What’s going on?” Roscoe took in a deep breath and unzipped his coat in the warm house. He started again, “I usually talk to the parents when this happens, but this guy’s full grown and doesn’t have enough sense. I thought I’d talk to you folks.” Sierra folded her arms and looked at Kevin accusingly. “Is Kevin in trouble?”

Roscoe nodded his head and continued, “The first time I usually give ‘em a warning. Grownups usually just do it out of ignorance. Teenagers do it for thrills. I don’t know what’s the matter with this one… death wish or somethin’.” Randy looked at Sierra and the two of them turned their hard gazes upon Kevin, who still stood in the hot foyer, sweltering in his ski clothes and clinging to his skis.

“Second time, I take ‘em to their parents. Grownups don’t ever do it a second time, so I just don’t know what to do with ‘im. Let me tell ya, third time, I shoot ‘em. I’m permitted to do what I have to do to stop it and if I see this one doing it again, I’ll shoot ‘im dead and we can bury him in the spring when we find ‘im.”

Sierra and Randy’s eyes widened, but it was Sierra who screeched, “Kevin! WHAT did you do?!” Kevin shied away from her anger and they appealed to Roscoe to tell them the details. Roscoe looked at them like they were idiots. Randy felt like the stupid city slicker who was, yet again, clueless. “You folks ski?” Randy and Sierra shook their heads. “Why’d you buy a house in Merriton if you don’t ski the mountain?” The two of them looked at each other and Roscoe could tell that they didn’t even know why they were there. A small gear in his mind clicked when he thought of the goats safe and warm in the barn near the house. That barn should have been rebuilt when Roscoe’s granddaddy owned the farm, but it still stood, barely. “Maybe you’re here to raise goats.”

The foyer was quiet except for the sound of Kevin trying to silently remove his ski garb from his overheated body. Roscoe looked at the two of them and knew with a capital “K” that they had no comprehension of how lucky they were not to lose their friend. He started at the beginning, “The mountain’s a dangerous place…” Randy caught Kevin rolling his eyes at Roscoe’s opening sentence and Randy swiftly swatted him on the back of the head. “If Roscoe tells ya somethin’ ’bout the mountain, you listen, boy!”

Kevin pulled back, confused at Randy’s outburst. “What?! Are you talking like the idiot sheep farmer next door now?!”

“Don’t you EVER call Elvis an idiot again!” It was Sierra who had retaliated, her voice was ringing through the nearly empty house. Kevin looked at the faces of their two friends. Both Sierra and Randy were dead serious. The whole world was upside down. Elvis was a genius and the smartest man Kevin ever knew was agreeing with the bozo ranger. He stood there stunned while Roscoe continued.

“As I was sayin’, the mountain’s a dangerous place. The ski resorts maintain themselves pretty well, but the national park areas are off limits this time o’ year… mostly ’cause of the avalanches. I caught ‘im in the back woods skiin’ a couple weeks ago and since it’s only me and Jeff to watch over it, I know he’s probably been there lots and I just never caught ‘im. I warned him that he wasn’t allowed to ski in the back woods, but today, I caught ‘im again. Next time, I’ll shoot ‘im.”

Sierra shook her head, “Shoot him?” Roscoe shook his head, “Skiers are like bears. When bears wander in human areas, it’s usually just by accident, so we tranquilize ‘em and take ‘em back to where they belong. Second time, it usually means they got a taste for human garbage and like people too much, so we teach ‘em a lesson and take ‘em back again. Third time, we shoot ‘em.”

Roscoe sighed and looked at Kevin, “Same goes for skiers. They get a taste for the back woods and they ain’t gonna stop ’til they kill themselves. Most times, they end up killin’ a whole bunch of other people when they do it, too. I’m a park ranger and I’m allowed to use this gun they give me.” He motioned to his side arm.

Kevin stood motionless in the foyer. His ski jacket was partially unzipped, but after Randy had swatted him on the head, he held still. Sierra was the first to speak, “Has he broken any laws?” Roscoe nodded, “Yeah, I could get him on trespassin’ and a bunch of other laws, but then I’d have to call the cops down from Up North and then his name would be in the papers up there.” Randy panicked. The newspaper Up North was online and easily searchable by spiders. A simple Google search by Valleywag would reveal Kevin’s location and give them something juicy to wag about.

“Considerin’ his position on the Chinese Olympic Team, I thought you might want to avoid the publicity, so I’m keepin’ this between us. Comes to a third time, though, I won’t be callin’ the cops then, either. Some hiker’ll find him in the spring and they’ll assume he killed himself skiin’ crazy in the backwoods.”

Randy was confused, but Sierra took hold of the conversation. “What can we do? We can’t take his skis away.” All that Kevin had left was skiing. Roscoe answered, “No, I guess you can’t. Just make sure he practices at the ski resort.” He turned to Kevin, “What you’re learnin’ in the back woods ain’t gonna help you where you’re going, buddy.” With fear in his eyes, Kevin nodded and watched Roscoe walk out the door.