Merriton

“I’m here to see Jerry.” Randy did his best menacing impression. Sierra had been tending the goats when he slipped out of the house and Kevin was up on the mountain with Roscoe. This wasn’t about them, anyway. This was about Jerry. Well, it was about him and Jerry. Okay, it was all about Valleywag.

The drive Up North felt quicker than it had ever felt before. The secretary checked her computer. “I don’t see an appointment for you here.” Randy leaned over the counter. He hadn’t shaved for three days and the stubble from his face approached the secretary’s face with increased velocity. “Tell Jerry that Random McCain is here to talk about Valleywag.” His voice reminded him of Elvis on a bad day. Where did that voice come from? He didn’t have that voice before he moved to Merriton.

“Hello, sir. I’m sorry to bother you. I have a Random McCain here from Valleywag.” She pronounced his name and the word Valleywag as if she had never heard of either of them before. Randy wasn’t used to that. In San Francisco, he was nearly a rock star, but Up North, they had never heard of him, even at Zaunter. “He says he’d love to see you.” She stood up, opened the security door with her card and lead him to the corner office.

“Random! God, it’s good to see you! Come here!” Jerry welcomed him with open arms and sat next to him in a chair instead of across a desk from him. All the ire had escaped from Randy’s speech. He was surprised at how welcoming Jerry was and tried to conjure the justified anger. “I guess you’re here to scream at me for all my Valleywagging, huh?” Randy searched his stomach for the anger that had driven him for the last forty-five minutes in the cold car from Merriton to Up North.

“I’m here to take you to my secret bank of computers in Merriton.” Randy tried to remember what Valleywag had accused him of, but the words that he had rehearsed on the drive up had left him. He imagined taking Jerry by force to the Thunder Brothers Ranch and showing him field after empty field of snow where Jerry had insinuated that he was building a huge online backup complex.

“Oh? You ARE angry, aren’t you? Man, I should have talked to you personally about this. Listen to me, buddy. You have to hang on for one more day, okay? Just one more day.” It was all so confusing. “One more day?” Jerry was supposed to be trembling at his anger, not expecting it. Jerry was supposed to be surprised at his appearance, not welcoming it. “Yeah, listen to me. I trust you. I’m not going to make you sign anything, but I know you’re not going to compete with me.” Randy shrugged his shoulders, “Okay…”

“Okay, maybe I didn’t always know you weren’t competing with me. When I first heard that you bought that farm, I went ape shit, you know?” Randy was confused. “So I heard from Kevin.” Jerry nodded. “Yeah Kevin was all surprised about the idea and I tried to play that to hire him away from you. Did you know that he was Magna Cum Laude in Mathematics? How’d that slip by me before? I should have hired him before he ever hit Zerbitz, but I was a little distracted by the Dot Bomb, you know what I mean?” Randy shook his head. Jerry wasn’t making much sense.

“Anyway, I hired some private detectives and they found out that you’re just going to grow corn. CORN! Corn, you dolt! But by then, I couldn’t let it go. The Valleywag article brought a bunch of investors who wanted in on my idea because if Random McCain is going to go into the online backup business, then it MUST be good, right? Damn! I get the Fidelity Investments account and no one notices, but Random McCain is RUMORED to be doing the same thing that I’m doing and all of a sudden EVERYBODY wants in. So, I kept the private investigators following your every move and I’ve been feeding Valleywag with only the facts that lead to the idea that might prove that you’re in the online backup business. Thank God that Sierra hired that contractor to build that barn in the spring! That was the best lead yet!”

The most recent article from Valleywag had implied that Randy was building a huge computer complex by providing documentation that Sierra had hired the contractor. It was the reason that Randy was there. “Goats! The guy said she had a bunch of goats and she wants the barn heated and lit like a Christmas tree and he tried to tell her that you don’t need a heated barn for goats and she didn’t care because she wants her goats warm in the winter. Goats!” Jerry was talking so quickly that Randy could barely get a word in, “It’s really cold at night when they give birth.”

Jerry laughed out loud at Randy’s response. “See what I mean! ‘It’s really cold at night when they give birth!’ It’s so hilarious, Random! It really is! How’d you get to be a goat farmer!” Randy stood up and grabbed Jerry by the collar. “That’s just what I was going to show you.” He started to drag Jerry to the door. “No! Stop Random! It’s too much!” Jerry was laughing as Randy pulled him out into the hallway. “As much as I’d love to see your goats and corn farm, I’m really busy. I need to ask a favor of you. As honorable as your carbon credit, ethanol-distillery, corn farm ideas are, I need you to keep them secret for one more day. Just one more day, buddy.”

“Why should I do anything for you?” He was still holding Jerry by the collar and had pulled him close to his face. “Because I’m signing the papers to sell Zaunter tomorrow.” Randy released Jerry. He had nothing to say. All of this had been a big play for Jerry. “It’s nothing like what you got when you sold Zerbitz, but it’s my chance to just cash out. IBC has agreed to buy Zaunter for 56 million dollars. That’s more than enough to pay off the VCs and send me home. Please, Random, one more day.”

“You don’t believe I’m trying to compete with you?” Randy still couldn’t quite understand what was going on. Jerry laughed. “No. I mean, I did think you were, but when Kevin was taken by surprise, I thought that something must be fishy. It only took my detectives a day or two to find out that you had hired those farmers back and were contacting ethanol distilleries. Good idea, by the way! Makes you look so very green to the guys in San Francisco. Can’t wait until you set things straight with them back home.”

“Home is in Merriton.” Randy left Jerry in the hallway and walked out of the Zaunter office building.