Merriton

“What do you mean we have to have a project?” The scar on James’ lip quivered at the sentence. Kevin stood at the window. Every time he looked out that window, he expected to see the corral and Sierra’s goats. Instead, it was a vast expanse of snow. Snow on the ground. Snow in the air. So much snow that Kevin and Roscoe couldn’t work.

“He didn’t tell you about the yearly projects?” Kevin asked them, but continued to look outside. If only the snow would stop, then maybe they could get a half-day in. Things’ll be dangerous tomorrow if this keeps up. James answered his question, “No. What is it?” Kevin sighed and withdrew from the window. “It’s probably a test. Random’s always testing his employees. He’s probably trying to find out if you are self-motivated workers or something.”

John had several pieces of plastic and metal spread out on the kitchen table. “Bree said that it could be anything.” Kevin nodded and sat uncomfortably on the couch. “Yeah, she was only there for one yearly project and that was after they bought Zerbitz. It’s still the same. You can do it on anything. There was one guy two years ago that brought in all of these little cars. They were made out of wood and they had to be able to drive fast and win races…” Kevin’s voice trailed off. What were they called? He couldn’t remember. James asked, “How big were they?” Kevin held up his hands about six inches apart. “I don’t know. About this big. They didn’t have motors and he did all this research about what they needed to look like to go really fast.”

James and John replied, “Pinewood Derby.” Kevin looked at them like they were insane. “What?” James ran his hand through his hair. “The Pinewood Derby. The scouts do it every year.” The two brothers were quiet for a moment and then they both spoke at once, “Lancasters won every year.” Kevin had learned to stay quiet when the brothers spoke in unison. He waited, but they didn’t elaborate. He finally broke the silence. “Lancasters?” James answered him, “The Lancaster kids won every year. Ugly cars too. Half the time they didn’t even paint them.” He looked at John and pointed. “I swear, it was Elvis that made those cars.”

Kevin shook his head. “Elvis?” James continued, “Yeah, their dad, Elvis Lancaster.” He pronounced the name as if Kevin should know who he’s talking about. Kevin sputtered, “I… I don’t think I ever knew Elvis’ last name. You think Elvis made the cars?” James walked over to John and started to pick up a plastic tube, but John smacked his hand away. The scar on James’ lip quivered, “Yeah. The Pinewood Derby is a scouting event. Your dad isn’t supposed to make the car, you are.” The two brothers were still bitter. “Lancasters.”

Kevin didn’t know how to continue. “Well… Andy Davis brought in all those little cars for his project. When Random got to the monetization portion of the project, Andy showed his website where he sells kits for the cars.” John looked up from his work. “That’s cheating. You’re supposed to start with a piece of pinewood and you’re supposed to carve and sand it to the correct shape on your own. Buying a pre-cut car kit is cheating.” James interrupted, “No! The Pinewood Derby isn’t supposed to teach you how to carve wood. It’s supposed to be an activity that fathers and sons can do together. It’s about doing something with your dad, not carving wood. It woulda been the wood-carving merit badge if it was about the wood. Buying a pre-cut car kit isn’t cheating.”

This conversation was all wrong. Kevin was supposed to tell the story of Andy Davis, who brought in all those stupid cars and still was in Random’s good graces. Instead, the Thunder Brothers were arguing AGAIN. He tried to stop the argument. “I don’t know about the rules, but Andy made enough money on those little wooden cars to eventually leave Zerbitz. That’s the important thing. Random wants you to grow. He wants you to figure out how to stop being an employee and do something for yourself.”

The brothers were still fuming at each other. John quietly buffed the plastic tube with what looked like a fingernail file. Finally, the older brother put down the plastic bits and spoke, “So, we have to have a project. It can be about anything, no matter how stupid. What about this monetization thing? What’s that?” Kevin sighed, “When you present your project, all of us can ask questions, but the hardest questions you’ll get will be from Random. He wants to know that you’ve thought of all the business side of things as well as the fun parts. Monetization is how you’re going to make money from your project.” John placed the metal pieces into a ultrasonic cleaner and asked, “You have to make money from your project?”

Kevin shook his head. “You don’t have to prove that you’ve made money. He doesn’t ask for financials. He just wants to know that you’ve thought about how you’ll make money from the project. You need to make sure that you have an answer when he asks you about monetization.” Sasquatch quietly padded down the stairs and stood by the door. James noticed the cat and walked over to the front door. He opened it and Bree walked in.

Kevin smiled and greeted her, “Hey, Bree. How are you doing at Mt. Zen Cafe? Roscoe heard from Angie that they sure like you there. I think he said that Curly said that you’re the best waitress they’ve had.” Bree took off her coat. “I’m beginning to hate the sight of ski jackets.” Everyone in the room nodded. “I’ve been trying to explain the yearly projects to them.”

Bree walked over to the thermostat and turned it up one degree and then scooped up Sasquatch in her arms before plopping on the couch. “Did you tell them that we’re not supposed to discuss our projects with each other?” Kevin slapped his thigh. “No! I forgot that part! We’re not supposed to talk about our projects with each other. It’s supposed to be a surprise.” Bree shrugged, “Plus, if you have a bunghole like Jeffery, he’ll spend the entire time trying to think of ways to discredit you and make you look bad to Random. You don’t want to risk that. Keep it to yourself.” Bree looked at James and John. “Even from each other.” The brothers exchanged glances.

Bree turned Sasquatch upside down and rubbed her face into his belly. “Did you tell them about the bonuses?” James’ ears perked up. “There’s a bonus?” Kevin shrugged. “It depends on who you ask. Jeff had this whole elaborate graph set up trying to figure out how Random’s mind worked and what certain things meant. I don’t think the yearly project had anything to do with the bonuses. Do you?” Kevin asked Bree and she shrugged. “I don’t know. Jeffery showed me that graph and had me convinced that if Random liked my project, I would end up with a big bonus. Thing is…” She pet the cat and her line of sight was distant. “… I wanted Random to like my project just because he gets so excited when people are doing cool things.”

Kevin nodded. “Yeah, like when Nicole brought in her guitar and sang a song about Zerbitz?” Bree shook her head. “That must have been one of the earlier years.” Kevin nodded and smiled, “Random was high on that for months. Just once I want to knock his socks off like that.” Bree and Kevin sighed while the Thunder Brothers watched on, confused and excited all at the same time.

A special thank you to Gary Moncur for helping my husband finally win the Pinewood Derby without taking over the project himself.