Merriton

“You DO realize that we are starting this company at the WORST possible time, don’t you?” Sierra was cuddled in a blanket on the futon for the evening. The IP paperwork had been submitted and Randy was working on marketing. As soon as they got the paperwork back, he was getting ready to hit every Internet Provider in the country promoting Kevin’s algorithm. Randy stood up from his computer desk and plopped down on the futon next to his wife. He took her skinny body into his arms and held her to him.

“When I said that I knew the next Dot Bomb was coming, I didn’t realize the entire economy was going to collapse around me.” He could feel her bony body under the fluff of the blanket. He kept talking. “Aren’t you glad I didn’t do the smart thing and invest my money with Merrill Lynch.” He felt her chuckle in his hug. “Yeah. Who knew the best way to protect ourselves was just to keep all the money at the credit union?” He felt her take a big sigh and continue, “My grandpa would be dying of worry right now.” Randy smiled to himself at the memory of the old man. “No, he was a smart guy. He would have known about it long before it hit and he’d be buying up all the stock right now.” He felt a tiny sob under the blanket.

Quiet. He could almost hear the snow falling outside in big, fluffy flakes. The furnace came to life in the basement and he could almost smell the house breathe in dusty air. It was a perfect moment. The world might be falling apart around him, but for the first time in years, he had something to be excited about. The computer industry was in a very similar situation years ago when he started Zerbitz, so the idea of birthing this new company in times such as these was comforting to him.

And then he had to ruin it.

“Kevin says you’re still running.” He felt her body tighten and wiggle away from his hug. “I don’t need Kevin to tell me. I can see for myself.” The furnace blower started up and the scent of dust and heated air filled the room. Despite the noise of the heater blowing through the room, the silence was deafening. “I’ve been thinking about Woodleaf. Do you want to go back there? It might be kind of nice to escape the snow this year. We could go…” Home… He almost said it. After almost two years in Merriton, San Francisco still was home in his mind.

Sierra pulled away from him and huddled on the other side of the futon. “I’m not going back to Woodleaf.” He nodded and tried to salvage the conversation. “You don’t have to go back there. It’s just…” What was it? They helped her before. Maybe all she needed was a refresher course. “It wasn’t that bad, was it?” He tried to grasp at what he could. “This time, it will be easy. We won’t have to scrape together the three thousand bucks to pay them.” She pulled the blanket tighter around her body. “It’s not about the money. I don’t need to go back. I’ve got it under control.”

Randy couldn’t sit still and bolted out of the couch. He walked over to the window. The snow on the ground and in the air reflected every fragment of light in the area. Even though it was night, there was an unearthly glow outside. He could even see the lights on at Elvis’ place. Randy wondered what Elvis would say in this situation and suddenly the words were spilling out of his mouth. “Seems to me that you’re just tryin’ to kill yourself.”

There it was. What he had worried their entire marriage right out in the open. Running equals death and she just keeps on running. Why couldn’t she see it and why the hell had it taken him so long to say it out loud? And why hadn’t she said anything?

He turned away from the window and looked at her. Her blond hair had become lifeless and stringy over the last few months. Her tiny body was hidden completely by the blanket. She shivered and looked him in the eye. “I haven’t run for twenty days.” Twenty days. She’s counting the days since her last run. God, it’s worse than he thought.

“What can I do to help?” She just looked toward the front door. “Get me a gym membership.” He felt his hand instinctively reach for his forehead. It felt good to wipe his face in one slow movement from his forehead to his chin. He could almost wipe away her answer, but not quite. “No…” She cinched the blanket a little tighter. “Get me a treadmill.” All the frustration burst in a flood of words. “NO! Are you not listening to me?! What can I do to help you NOT run?! You’re just trying to kill yourself with this running! You haven’t run in twenty days? Good God, do you know what that means?! That means you’ve been white-knuckling it and counting the hours since your last run and you didn’t say anything to me! I can HELP YOU!”

Crying. She was crying and he felt like punching a hole in the wall. He walked over to the futon and took her emaciated body in his arms. Why was she doing this to herself again? She had beat this. The blanket heaved and sobbed. “You beat this before. You can beat it again. Just tell me what to do and I’ll do it. If you need to go back to Woodleaf, you can. If you don’t want to go, you don’t have to. If you need me to distract you while you count the days, I’ll do it. Whatever you need, just promise me you won’t run anymore.” She mumbled and sobbed and Randy almost convinced himself that she promised not to run.